the tension:

I've started this entry so many times, but something ALWAYS happens. you know the drill- someone climbs into my window and mentions that they might want to be baptized, a gaggle of pre-elementary kids storm the room looking for something better to do than play in the rain (and what else could i have done? i mean really), or i'll realize that i need to write personal emails to some people about some stuff, or a herd of 10th graders will suddenly break my door down and insist i teach them my "crazy hacking skillz", but settle for a deathmatch in some of the greatest 8-but fighing nintendo ever came up with. and i realize that there are some real people out there who really want me to fill in the blank in their mind where my state of being is supposed to go, so i figured it was about time. (this has nothing to do with the most recent comment on my last blog entry. when you get a blog of your own i'll start accepting complaints). (and i'm not spiteful).

A big part of my current rambliness is cuz i had JAM tonight. man, it was AWESOME! i was looking forward to it a lot. and it was really good. it was cool to be able to sit down with my leaders and just give them the rundown of how things would work and why. last year i had no idea at all- i was just like "well, some kids will come, and i guess we'll do some stuff...." this year it was more like "we are being Jesus to these kids. we must have patience, we must listen, we must affirm, for we must love them. and it's really hard sometimes". because now i know all these things, becuase i learned them all the hard way. then the kids showed up, and they immediately latched on to me and the other leaders, and it was just so cool- i've got a few goofy leaders, a few sportsy leaders, and a few chill-and-talk leaders, so whatever the kind of kid was that came in, they could fit in with someone. out of 10 leaders last year, 3 graduated, but only 1 has come back to lead again. i'm ok now, but for a while it was really hard not to take it personally. tonight me and her got a little sentimental, thinking about last year, and the off-the-wall times we had, and the inside jokes and stuff. i like looking back on that, but being there in that was really hard. those 10 leaders were pretty much the bane of my existence sometimes, for a variety of reasons, none of which i'll get into here. but it was hard. this year, i've changed the leadership program a little to make it less cumbersome for those in it, but i'm kinda really happy that only one person came back- and she's the one that i think understood the ministry, or at least the way that i do ministry, the best. all the other leaders are brand-new, and have no expectations about how much they can get away with or how much they have to listen (or not listen) to me. etc. i'm excited.

And Stress camp starts in 7 days from tomorrow! OH MAN! i just can't wait. i don't really think that i'll love the woods that much, seeing as how where i went over the summer was actual nature, not having been harvested and replanted and all, but i can't wait to be out for 4 days with 11th-grade kids. and because it's rained A LOT the last 2 big hikes i did, i went and got myself a northface gore-tex shell. lots and lots of gore-tex. and i just cleaned and waterproofed my boots yesterday. i was gonna go for a run tonight, but i'm almost passing out just typing this, so i think i'll just sleep tonight.

starting now

I flew back in economy, which just reinforces my determination to adopt a child and force him to be an airline pilot. i have no intention of flying back there and paying much for it. you just don't get your money's worth. i did make a friend, which was exciting. he's my age, talkative, and a little eccentric. we got along quite well. he was also flying standby, so we swapped stories. and now, if i ever take a wrong turn and end up a thousand kilometers south of here, i have a place to stay!

It's also exciting that i have a place to stay right now, though. i came back to japan not really knowing much about my living situation, other than that i had no intentions of dying, so appropriate arrangements had to be made. after a brief stint of living on my office floor, i am now living closer to campus than i ever have before- about a 10 minute walk- with a rather capricious band director. i used to think that we were the 2 most different people that have ever existed; that if you took a picture of my DNA, turned it inside out, and made a person, you would have him. unsurprisingly, i suppose, as i've spent more time with him i'm finding ways that we are more similar than i originally thought. still quite dissimilar, but not polar opposites. It's not "home" yet, but it's getting there.

Speaking of home, i realized on the train home from the airport that japan definately gives me the feeling that belonging somewhere gives you more than america does. the train doors would open and the air conditioning would be assulted by the humidity, and the sound of the semi's (cicada's) rhythmically invading my inner ear, all made me feel that i was where i belonged. i don't know if that has to do with being in the place that i have a life (i.e. transportation, work, friends, etc.), or if it strikes a deeper part of me that has more to do with my childhood. i don't really care either way, actually. all i know is that it's good to be back.



as a post-script, here's one of my favorite pictures i took while on my brief hiatus