PLANE FULL OF FREAKS!!

As i was getting on the plane from tokyo to portland, i was suddenly struck by the fact that there was an unusually high percentage of freaks, all seeminginly drawn to this specific aeronautical transporter. "what," said i, to myself, "could draw so many skinheaded, tatooed, mustached, anime-costume-wearing, dregs of society-type people all into one, single, metal tube?" then, like the smell of a truckfull of steaming hops driving by on a lonely road in the winter, the answer hit me. portland. this plane was direct to portland. realizing this, i saw them through new eyes, took my nosering down, and took my seat with a smile. to their credit, and to the discredit of united, the northwest airlines flight attendants were the nicest, politest, and cheery flight attendants i've experienced in a long time, in spite of the hippies and the babies. go them!

Some things change- like the yen rate. that changes. some things on the other hand, don't change. getting off the plane in portland, i was instantly depressed by the fact that, at 7 in the morning, it was barely light, and it was drizzling and gloomy, colder than tokyo has ever gotten yet this year. i should have remembered, but, like the smell of a bad fart, it was something that i allowed myself to forget as the soonest possible convinience. 2 sundays ago it was shorts weather at church. we had to turn on the air conditioners. no joke. here, you have to start your car up 30 minutes before you want to use it to get the ice melted from off the transmission. well, it's almost that cold, i swear.

Being back at Bible college is funny. all my friends want me to go out drinking with them on whatever day they finish their finals. i don't really care about it, but it's something that seems to be quite important to them. i think it's all spite. me, i don't care, for i have the ability, though not the desire, to drink whenever i want. these poor, oppressed children, on the other hand, are convinced that freedom is 80 proof, and can't wait to get their hands on it. meeting old friends has been good, too. sometimes i sit and chat with people that i really don't think care about me that much, and i wonder why i put up with it, why i bothered to get a ticket to portland instead of seattle. then, an actual friend walks in and we chat for 2 hours, then i remember. actually, i thought the trip here was worth it after me and rainbow sat and chatted for four hours, then made supper, then her hubby came home, and we all ate supper together and had communion after. that evening, in and of itself, made coming to portland worth it. to me, anyways. it's no real secret that i didn't approve of rainbow and jeffs relationship. or marriage, for that matter. i even went so far as to ask rainbow to not ask me to be in her wedding, since being in someone's wedding sort of shows your support for the couple. ironically, rainbow taught me that trick. zing!

But, as we both realize now, it does no real good to pretend that someone you were best friends with for 4 years of school means nothing to you anymore. maybe if that school were elementary, or a really stupid military girls school or something, but we went to a fairly normal Bible college, and both basically grew into the people we are now largely through the influence of eachother. so, when i left for japan to do youth pastory things, i was actually sad that i would not be able to go to her wedding, although i still wasn't very happy for her. to be honest, i thought jeff was a complete douchebag, and i thought that every nice thing rainbow said about him was her just trying to cover for him, or make excuses for him or something. you know "he was in a bad mood", "he's nervous around new people", "he doesn't hate you, he just would eat your soul if he had the opportuninty", "he hates all his fiance's ex-boyfriends", etc. etc. the only real interaction i ever had with him was at a single event, and, had the role been reversed, i don't think i would have been much better. so, a big apology to jeff for being a bastard to you, if only in my mind.

Now, however, having hung out with them for the second time, i can honstly say that i think their marriage is a good thing, and i fully support them, and i even like jeff. i don't think he's someone i would have gotten to know under normal circumstances, but it's getting easier and more normal to hang out with him every time we do. and rainbow is just fantastic. and i'm really happy for them. so, chalk that one up to a plane full of freaks.

PLANE FULL OF FREAKS!!: 1
RYAN!! : 0

Look at me!! I'm 2 posts in 2 days!! OH BOY!!!

Sorry about that, but it had to be done. something about union rules or something...

There's different ways to spend my days. one way is to watch simpsons, movies, cartoons, etc. all day, then fall asleep on the couch, head filled with visions of what i spent my day on. then there's doing things that involve, well, doing things. these include (but are not limited to) work.

My job is, for the most part, awesome. i've been realizing more and more that i have the best job in the world. here's the thing- not only do i have to hang out with kids, which is rarely work, and almost always fun, but i have to develop Biblically-based messages and Christ-centered programs. all these things are not as fun for me, but develop me spiritually nevertheless. so, on top of getting paid to hang out with kids, i get paid to have an increasingly deep relationship with Jesus.

The danger is (there's always a danger) that i'm reading my Bible more and more with the "i have to give a sunday school lesson in 2 days" filter engaged, thus, and dangerously, and reminiscent of Bible college, the Bible becomes not an awesome thing to read and get closer to Jesus and understand the nature of God, it becomes an answer key that i rush to at the last minute. and why the last minute, you ask? why is it i always seem to get the least sleep on saturday night? because i procrastinate, that's why. some habits die hard, then there's some habits that don't die at all. and then there's the ones that you do flaming wheelchair-jousting with, but we don't talk about those.

So, if doing time-wasting things are negative points, and doing productive things are positive points, my days are getting more and more balanced. some days are in one extreme or the other, which is to be expected, but on average i think i'm getting better and better. which does not mean that i have all positive points, but rather means, i think, that i'm almost at zero at the end of the day. let's take today as an example:

overslept -1
didn't make breakfast -1
made permission slip for snow camp +1
practiced guitar +2
practiced guitar too long -1
didn't do dishes -1
watched CSI -1
knitted while watching CSI +0.5
bought printable overhead paper +1
worked on sunday school talk in starbucks +1
wrote blog +1
put off choosing games for youth group by writing blog -1

and i think that brings me right up to the present, with a killer score of 0.5!! i am a little sick, which i wish made all my positive points worth more and all my negative ones matter less, cuz really, who wants to work when they're sick!? i should grade myself on a curve when i'm sick. that's it!! bonus +50 for being sick.

LEVEL UP!!

I'm Back!!

Where was I? lets just say i was....getting the mail. yeah. that's what i was doing. For 3 weeks. and so much has happened since then, that i am faced with 3 options: go into excruciatingly minute detail, and spend the greater portion of the day staring at the screen, pouring my heart out to a bored audience, or (option 2) paraphrase, or (option 3) overlook the last 3 weeks entirely and start with what happened to me yesterday. seeing as though yesterday was pretty boring, and i don't have the desire, motivation, or money needed to produce a gut-wrenchingly long entry, i'll go for option 2.

So here it is: the much awaited "Paraphrase of the Last 3 Weeks"

High school youth group started. it's called "Red Cross" or, just RC, for those of you who like to say more with fewer words. for lack of a better time, it starts right after the middle school group ends, which means a few things- i have to transport everything from the middle school place to the high school place, i have no prep time, and i don't get supper. so far, it has actually worked out alright. except for the first one. that was horrible. there is exactly one other person on staff with me for RC, and her name is cheryl. the first RC included food- a barbecue, actually. and since i was in the middle school youth group, cheryl was going to take care of it. and she was going to do games, and i was going to do the talk. everything had been worked out. except we didn't have a "cheryls' friend goes crazy" contingency plan. i knew i should have added that to my coverage, but it cost a little more, so i didn't go for it. so, yeah, one of her friends (not quite friend, more high-level acquaintance) goes crazy- has an actual psychotic break with reality. it started saturday night, then she came to church and was getting worse and worse, then, a little after church and sunday school, they called someone who knows some things, and he told them to get her to a psychiatric hospital right away. and since cheryl was there with her, and has prison guard training and counseling training, and was the one carrying her to the car and sitting on her when she was in, cheryl ended up going all the way to the hospital, and missing almost all of RC. so, all my carefully crafted plans were for crap. in the end it worked out anyways, but, since i'm paraphrasing, i won't tell you how.

Let's see, what else has happened to me...i got really really lonely almost 2 weeks ago. that was actually probably the most painful thing i've ever dealt with. i know i'm here alone, and i know that i'm more effective in ministry being single and not looking than i would be being not single and constantly on the hunt. and i know that there's an emotional void in my heart somewhere that i would like to be filled. and sometimes that sucks, but mostly i ask God to fill that part of me with Himself, and He does. but the other week i was coming off a really great high- sundays actually leave me pretty energized now, which, i'm pretty sure, means i'm turning into an extrovert, which is weird. so monday rolls around, and i'm sad and lonely, and i start to get a little depressed. and i start to get a little apathetic about being depressed. very dangerous- even if i thought of a solution that was healthy, i wasn't likely to do anything about it. so i sat around watching episode after episode of "rurouni kenshin", a great old japanese cartoon, feeling worse and worse about myself. i decided something needed to be done, so i went out of my house, and found there in my mailbox a letter from my mom. most of it was just updates on what was going on in their lives, but at the very end, it said something to the effect of "i am so proud of you and that you are following God..." i didn't make it to the end before i started crying. i realized then that i was believing lies about myself, that i was believing that i was unloved and unloveable, and stupid crap like that. and my mom has this habit of writing verses from the Bible on the edge of her letters, and the one on this letter was from isaiah: "fear not, for I am with you. be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." and, at that point, i pretty much broke down. pretty cool, huh?

After that came thanksgiving. last minute-ish i had been invited to takayama, the beach place where a lot of missionary-types have cabins and whatnot. i chose to accept, and spent thanksgiving with the hardeman family. they are big into adoption and fostering, so as of now they have 5 kids and were fostering a week-old baby. being with their family was the best kind of therapy. just being in a family again, being around people and kids 24/7, was like jumping into a swimming pool when you're on fire- i've never done that, but it seems like it would be that nice. about 4 other families were up there, so for thanksgiving we had a progressive dinner thing where we had appetizers for an hour at one house, then turkey and potatoes and casserole at another, and desserts somewhere else. then we all went for a walk on the beach and built a fire and sat around talking and laughing. i haven't had thanksgiving with my family in years, but it felt like i did that night...minus the whole having-your-family-in-the-same-country thing.

And during that whole time it was impossible to communicate with me. i dropped my cell phone in a bunch of water the morning we were leaving for thanksgiving, so i had it off the whole time, sitting in the sun trying to get it to dry. it was on when i dropped it in, so i was really really worried that it had shorted out. once i got back home i turned my oven on really low and stuck it in there, and it works perfectly now. i didn't realize how much i rely on that thing already, but it's the only place i've got numbers for like a hundred people. and the only number a hundred people have for me, and some of those people are pretty important.

My car is on the road now, being driven my me, 100% legally, complete with insurance and everything. i lent it to some people over break when i wasn't using it, and they drove it more than 700km (like 420 mi.) and it went 120kph (over 70mph) easily. i was so proud of the little guy! my only concern is that i drive it too much- when i didn't have a car i rode my bike everywhere, and that was fine. now i seem to be able to make a lot of great excuses for reasons i should be driving my car. cars are black holes for money, though. even though i got it for free (thank you, mr. carrico), it cost me about $100 to get the registration and plates changed, and another $100 to start insurance, which is only $50/month, but still, that's $50. and come january, i'll have to throw down at least another $500 to get the government check up to make sure that it's not in bad shape, which it kinda is, so i'll have to pay more to get the hole in the muffler repaired, and anything else they find wrong. kawaguchi-san is my point man for this sort of thing- he takes care of everything, then comes to me and explains it in rapid-fire japanese, even though he speaks passable english- as least as well, if not better, than i speak japanese. i pretty much nod my head until he asks for money, which i give to him, assuming that he is not ripping me off. actually, he charges like a quarter of what other men in his position normally charge, and he is a Christian, though a little eccentric in his beliefs and theologies, so i'm sure he's not ripping me off. well, pretty sure.

My plans are to be landing in portland on december 13th on northwest's flight 6, arriving at a jovial 7:15 am. this is an actual ticket, which means that there is 99.8% chance that i will actually be on this flight, as opposed to flying standby, which is far from that certain. i'll be stuck in portland until at least the 21st, which is justin's wedding, so i'll get a lot of time to hang out with friends and enemies in portland before heading up to tacoma to spend Christmas with the fam.

I think my church may hate me.

The other week i had the honor of preaching in the service of my church. i know that probably sounds sarcastic, as it doesn't really excite me that much, but the truth is, i don't like to do it due to the fact that it's a big responsibility, so i take it really seriously, and i end up being something of a perfectionist when i prepare my sermon. as i was waiting for the worship pastor to be done introducing me, and as my stomach was aggressively digesting itself, i thought it would be cool to go up there without my shoes on. no big, right? i've always liked the idea of being barefoot when in front of the church, symbolizing, in my mind, that i'm walking on sanctified ground. To be in a position of teaching in front of the church is, i think, a holy thing- sharing the message that God has given to His congregation.

I don't think anyone remembers anymore what i preached about. all they know is that i did it without shoes on. seriously. i really didn't think most people would notice, or care, but it seems that while i was giving the sermon that took me forever and a day to get right, everyone was staring at my feet. it even came up at the council meeting- one of the moms was a little frustrated that she has to fight to get her kids to dress up for church, and the youth pastor, their most relevant role model in the church, walks around without his shoes on! it's now been almost 3 weeks since the sermon, and the kids on campus were talking to me about it again. i really wish i had known that it was going to be such a big deal- i would have used it as an illustration or metaphor for something. it's definately the most memorable thing about my preaching. and not everyone thought it was a good thing. i hear, in fact, that someone requested that i not preach again. it seems that bare feet are offensive. well, i'm not sorry. i'm gonna keep pushing that envelope, riding that ragged edge, always looking for a better high.

Must....control....sarcasm......

When do i get to be a youth pastor?

I think most things in life that we think are scary really are, even when you're old enough to get over them. when/if i start driving in japan, i'll just get in my car and drive it like a normal person, but really, on the inside, i'm freaking out like some middle schooler who has just stolen his dads car keys. how come nobody told me that all those times that adults looked like they knew what they were doing, they were really only bluffing. but, i guess if i knew that they wouldn't be bluffing anymore.

All that to say, i'm starting up the high school youth group this sunday. and the only feeling that was like the one i'm having happened when i would have huge greek tests in 2 days and know that there was no possible way that i could learn 500 vocab words short of translating the words into electronic pulses and wiring my brain. but i think that would have taken only marginally shorter than greek memorization. the biggest difference between youth ministry and being in college is that the grade that matters most is not the grade i want to get most

I desperately want the high schoolers to like me. i remember feeling this way when i was starting the middle school group- that everything would be horrible and everyone would hate me. i had experience with high school, i told them, but i have no idea what do to with middle schoolers. now that i am faced with this imminent doom of my own creation, i am suddenly overcome with the realization that i have no idea how to do youth group to high school, all the games i know are for middle school, and i'm not funny.

Now, before everyone starts preaching to me about what my goals are/should be, etc., let me disclaim- i know that i should only care about how much the kids like me through the filter of doing ministry. that is the truth. it is also a truth that i have to actually believe, that is, i do not believe it now. i want them to like me. i want them to think that my posters are cool, that my youth group rocks, and that i should be a rock star. i want to walk on campus and be respected. i want so many of these things, and i do not think that i will get them. that is why i am scared. i am doing something that i think will probably only be marginally successful, at best. i have no way to judge or gage what i am saying or doing. it's like trying to drive from point A to point B on a huge runway while blindfolded. there's not much of a chase you will get hurt, but there's also not much of a chance that you will get where you're going, or know when you're there.

This scenario has pretty much been the story of my life. i've learned how to bluff confidence. in college i was actually confident. here i have no idea what i'm doing, where i'm going, or what the lady from the bank on the phone is trying to say to me. with everything i do i get about 10% and fake the rest. the kids know this. i tell them over and over again that i didn't go to school for this, that i have no idea what i'm doing. they just tell me to shut up and lead, which i do, i guess. i don't think this is a problem. in a way, it's actually kinda fun. when i was younger (like in august) i wet my pants at the thought of talking to an official of any sort about anything. i had a pride/humility/incompetence complex. now i call japanese people on the phone and challenge them and their knife-wielding dog to a showdown down by the docks where the bamboo grows on the 3rd night after the full moon. well, mostly i just ask them to help me with my car. and things work out, for the most part. at some point i expect this approach to backfire and and up buying a house over the phone or something, but so far it's been workin ok. except my bank card is somewhere, and i don't know where.

The point! you exclaim, get to the point!! the point, my faithful reader, is this: i am actually incompetent, but as long as i'm having a good time with it, i see no reason to quit. i knew when i signed up for this thing that i would be in way over my head, and i hoped that this would mean that i would lean on the shoulder of God more, rather than do the whole "i'm-too-manly-for-anyones-help" thing, and i would say that it's worked rather well. i seriously tell the kids that for the most part, i really don't know if i'm a good youth pastor or not. this is not something i've been trained or groomed for. this is not something i went to school for. this is something that i think God wants me to do, and i'm going to do the best i can with that. and they seem ok with that, and the nice lady on the phone seems to be ok as long as i keep saying "hai".


And i'm ok as long as God thinks i'm cool. at least, that's what i try to believe.

One of the bonuses to getting a visa and all that is that i now get to try and change the registration and ownership on a car from someone else to me. this is such a hassle over here in the birthplace of bureaucracy, that people who buy cars, either from a dealership or from a friend, hire a middleman to change it for them. as a testimony to the amount of red tape involved, the fee for this is usually in excess of $150. it is not necessary to hire some third party, but every person i know who has changed the registration and plates and everything themselves tells me it's worth every yen of it.

Before i can even do that, though, i have to own the car. and before i can do that, i have to have proof of parking. that's right- i have to prove to the police that i have a parking spot. i went and got the paperwork today. on of the pages is largely blank, and on one half i get to draw a map of my neighborhood, as close to scale as possible, and on the other half i have to zoom in on my house and give accurate measurements of my parking spot. i have to turn that back in to the police, and a few days later, i'm told, they will come by in a little patrol car and check to see that the information is correct, and give me an official "certificate of parking", and a coupon for sushi.

i wish. sushi would be nice.

P.S.
i'm adding a link so you can be emailed when i update my blog through www.blogarithm.com. i'll put the little sticker on the bottom so you can sign up quick and easy. that way you don't have to check and be disappointed: as soon as i update you'll get an unobtrusive email informing you of the fact. no more sleepless nights wondering if i've updated, no more wasted seconds as you futilely check the page: now you'll always know.

Sit down. get ready. the horsemen of the apocalypse are on their way. how do we know that these are the end times? what are the signs? 2 of them have made themselves manifest in recent days:
1. I have a cell phone.
2. I have health insurance.
such things have never been heard of before.

I was in korea from...well, for about 9 days. i went to get my visa so i could work in japan legally (as opposed to "illegally", which was more of a technicality, really). i was warned that getting my actual visa could be a rather lengthy endeavor, so i gave myself 10 days, just in case. in reality, when i finally had everything in order and autographed, it took less than 24 hours. "come back tomorrow" they said. and it didn't even cost me anything. but, as if to show me that they still have the power to screw up my life in a really big way, they put my visa (my occupation is "religious activities") , which is a gargantuan sticker that takes up one whole page of my passport, over the stamp the koreans were nice enough to put in my passport when i came into the country. you know the one- it's red, it's my tourist visa, it proves that i entered the country legally, same old, same old. i didn't realize this fact until i tried to leave the country and the immigrations guy went through my passport about 8 times looking for that stamp, and i could feel the incredible weight of bureaucracy bearing down on me like an obstinate japanese official. then the guy just chuckled a bitter little chuckle, and gave me my exit stamp. one more reason why korea is better.

but not really. at least, not much.

Other than the little visa adventure, my time in korea was uneventful in a fun sort of way. ro flew to seoul and we hung out there long enough for me to get my visa, then we went to pohang, which is where she lives on the grounds of a college campus, and watched movies and hiked and played volleyball with the students. i realized that i don't miss being in school at all. all the homework, all the hours spent losing your eyesight to small print in bad lighting. it didnt' help that most of ro's friends study at the law school, which is not something that interests me in the least.

But, now i have my visa, so i went and got my alien registration, which i used to score with the national health insurance (paying 30% is a lot less than getting your brother to make you a cast from twigs and having a crooked arm for the rest of your life). then i got a little stamp that has my name on it and got that registered, complete with certificates in duplicate. then i went to the bank and opened up myself a bank account (which, sadly enough, comes with money sold separately), and got myself a cell phone. my number (from americaville) is: 011-81-80-3468-7427. any guesses as to which of those long list of action points took the longest? that's right: the cell phone. japanese bureaucracy is a lot better than i'm used to- they seem to have found the perfect formula for having exactly one person more than is absolutely needed, which means there's never a line, but just barely.

Well, it's not like winter even gave fall a chance- so cold, so bitterly cold. it happened in what seemed like overnight- one day it's a little chilly and brisk, the next you're so cold you wanna die. there's been no snow, or even ice, that i've seen, but i'm sure it's there, in as much shock as the rest of us about the sudden weather change. the rain has stopped, and i think i prefer the cold to the rain. at least when you bike hard in the cold you get warm. now if i could only figure a way to get drier the longer you bike in the rain...

because this has taken forever, and i've been doing other things, i will keep my report on day 4 succinct.

[day 4]

there was no rain all night, but it was freezing. since we didn't have a watch, we started hiking really early, and we were the first team to arrive at the camp. we took baths and ate food, and played ping pong. and all was well. Here's a shot of the team:


in the front are the girls: Eun Hae, Jess, Christine, Yuna, and Julie.
in the back: Jyun Hyun, Shawn, me, Tyler, Yasu, and Bennett.
good times.
[end stress camp]

day 3- wednesday

Man, i tell you what. if i had died 30 seconds after waking up on that 3rd day, i would have died a happy man with a smile on my face. we were up just before sunrise, and there was not a single cloud in the sky. not only that, our little bell tower was up above a valley, so we could see all the mist and fog swirling around the little town down there. so awesome.

We had told the kids that in exchange for allowing them (and us!) to sleep in the bell tower and stay dry, we were going to have to haul some pretty serious butt the next day, which we did. as always, getting them to pack up and clean was something of a battle, but when we left that bell tower it looked better than when i first walked in. some girls even took the time to sweep it with a little tiny broom we found. go team! and then, the hauling commenced. me and tyler, in looking at the maps the night before, had realized that the fastest way to get to where we were going was to take the road back down the mountain that we had bushwhacked up, which meant we would actually have to walk through the same area in town that we were lost in for like 3 hours the day before. i was against this idea, as i thought it would be bad for morale, but after looking at how incredibly far we had to go for day 3, i agreed that we needed to save as much time as possible. we started them off at a pretty quick pace, and hopefully they were too busy hiking to notice that we walked by the trailhead that we had created with our off-road challenge.

We breakfasted at a dam (a.k.a. "water restraining facility") and the day was just going from great to greatester. it was at the top of a huge hill (which dams usually are), so by the time we all got up there we were roasting. i got to do one of my favorite things- take off my shirt and sit in the sun- and made powdered milk for our granola. still no clouds, but tons of sun.

Our trailhead was not too far away. after about 30 minutes, we gave the "packs on!" call, and started actually hiking, on trails. according to the map, we would be going up a valley almost the whole way to the top of a ridge, crossing a happy little stream along the way. the hike to the stream was pretty brutal, lots of big steps over slippery rocks and such. it was still sunny, but there were so many trees around we didn't get much of it. then we came to the stream.

Remember how for the first 2 days it had rained aggressively? funny thing about streams- they remember stuff like that. so even though it was really sunny, and not raining, the "happy little stream" was practically at flood stage. our leaders weren't sure if they were taking us the right way when the trail crossed the river, but i told them "if there's only one way, there's only one way". this mantra was repeated ad nausium every 20 minutes when they would ask for help. the first crossing was pretty dry- one guy had slipped in, and he volunteered to carry everyone's pack across so we could all jump for it. the guys went first, then we threw big rocks in for the girls to walk on. the stream became a key player in our hike for that day- we probably crossed it about 20 or 30 times. in fact, there were times when there was no trail for about 30 yards, and the river became our trail. after about the 3rd crossing all our shoes where completely soaked, and after about the 10th crossing we were all wet up to our knees, except for one guy. he was wet up to his armpits. the craziest part of that section was when the river went between 2 cliffs, probably about 15 feet wide, and we could see the trail ahead, beyond other side of these cliffs. at this particular section, the angle of the river was fairly extreme, so we ended up basically doing a mild rock climb in a river. that was awesome.

The rest of the day was, for the most part, not that special. there wasn't that much time for conversation, as we were all just pushing to try and make it close enough to get to camp on time the next day. tylers clock had broken in the night from the condensation or something, so nobody had any idea what time it was at all, even us, which was an added bit of adventure. i don't know the mileage for that last day, but when we studied our maps at the end of the day, we realized that we had gone about 3 times farther than we had gone on any other day. that means we went more than 150% of the distance we had covered in the last 2 days combined. i was so proud of them (sniff). they pushed themselves so much harder and farther than they thought they could, and they were able to do more than they imagined. a good lesson for everyone of any age.

The end of the day is worth mentioning. we had gotten to the point on the map where me any tyler had decided that we had to get to in order to make it home the next day, but we had made it there early, there was still about an hour of sun left. that particular spot had zero camping potential- the ground was clay and big chunks of rock, there were no trees or underbrush, and the wind was real strong. we decided, as a team, that we would press on to the next spot on the map, about a kilometer and a half away, and if we didn't find anything on the way, we would just camp there. we did find something on the way, but it was only marginally better than the lookout spot we had just been at. the ground was still clay, but there were no rocks. the wind, though, was going crazy. after staying there for about 5 minutes, everyone's nose was running. i decided that i would run ahead the 1.4 kilometers and see what this other spot looked like. it had been aggressively circled on the leaders map, but after the whole burnt-down-temple thing from the day before we wanted to know for sure. also, we thought there might be another team there already.

When you take those packs off, you seriously think you can fly. the run to the spot was great. and the spot was great too. there was no shelter, but there was no wind, either, and the ground had lots of pine needles and softness, and there was lots of wood. i ran back and told the group that i thought we should press on. by this point, they had all been sitting for about 30 minutes and were freezing cold, and had no desire to do anything. and it had gotten dark, and only half of the flashlights still worked, on account of the rain, we figured. it was a great team-building thing, though, and i think i'll confiscate half of the flashlights next year just for fun. it's very easy to be miserable and exhausted when all you have to think about is yourself, but when you have to think about others and how to serve them, you forget about your own body and needs and complaints. at least, thats the theory.

We finally got to the spot about an hour later, and the team declared it good. there was an overwhelming lack of enthusiasm to do anything, including making supper, collecting wood, collecting rocks for the fire pit, digging a fire pit, etc. and with only half the flashlights, everyone had to team up with someone, and they mostly just sat talking. after about 3 minutes, tyler gave his last motivational speech, and, in my opinion, his best one yet. he generally told them to get off their lazy butts and start working- nobody would eat or be warm if we didn't all start working. i still remember my favorite line "Sitting around is not an option!! Now MOVE!". i should take lessons. we had a fire and some rice/veggie gulash and some hot chocolate, all in record time. we all took a gamble that it wouldn't rain that night, and none of us put up fly sheets- we chose to take our chances and sleep under the stars. before i got to sleep i did get to have a unique experience: earthquakes in the wild. i've been through about a billion of them in my life, but never out in the woods. they are a lot quiter than i realized- at home there's always dishes clanking or something creaking. it lasted for about a minute, and it was a pretty strong one too. earthquakes don't scare me, but they do elicit a sort of panic/thrill response, even in the woods.

A secret- i hate hoppers. hoppers are the bastard child of a grasshopper and a cockroach, and they are evil. daddy long-legs i'm fine with. spiders and whatnot, i'm ok. i don't want them sharing my sleeping bag, but i'll pick them up and throw them somewhere else. not hoppers. i would willingly and joyfully kill any hopper that crosses my path. and, being in the woods of japan, there are quite a few in some places. these things are seriously beefy. the first night, tyler found one on his backpack while we were making camp. he tried to flick it off, and it just took it- didn't even phase the thing. it just kept climbing around on his bag being evil. i think i hate these things so much because their defense mechanism is to jump at your eyes. seriously. when something jumps at your face, your reflexive reaction is to jump back, and, in that moment of shock, the hopper makes his getaway. some things look evil as their defense mechanisms, or are poisonous or whatever. and i can respect that. hoppers, are just going above and beyond. they already look like something satan would find in his kitchen when he turns on the lights at night, there's no need for the whole jump-in-your-face thing. This is an important bit of information.

After supper, as i mentioned, we had hot chocolate. water may take about 2 minutes to boil on the stove, but in the woods over a fire, hot water is a luxury that takes about an hour to make. me and tyler had been asking the kids some questions, singing some songs, etc., and were now just letting them talk and tell stories and whatnot. suddenly tyler's whole body jerks, and he says "bleagh, a hopper just jumped on me". not that uncommon. about five minutes later, i decided i'm gonna check on the water, see how hot it is or fish out any bark or ash thats has blown into the water, and i see (shudder) much to my dismay, a dead hopper, floating belly up, being stewed in our cocoa water. i shut off my light before any of the kids notice, and sit down real fast. i leaned over to tyler and whispered in a terrified tone "there's a hopper... in our water." he gives me this "holy crap, you've gotta be kidding" look, then grabs a spoon and, without turning his light on, fishes it out of the water and throws it in the fire. this whole time the kids are oblivious. and they are so excited to have the cocoa- we passed around the packets, and everyone had cleaned out their cups and poured the powder in, and we even had some leftover powdered milk that we passed out for extra creaminess. it's a few hours after sunset, so its getting colder and colder, and we were all looking forward to our dessert, and then bed. and i couldn't do it. i -could not- tell the kids that there had been a hopper cooking in our water. some of them wouldn't have minded, but some of the girls would defiantly not have had any cocoa, and i really wanted them to. even harder than watching them drink the hopper-water, though, was me drinking the hopper water. if i hadn't had any, the kids would have noticed, and been very suspicious. and i really wanted it too- that last night was probably my coldest night, and i really wanted something to warm me up. so, in the end, i got my cocoa, and just chugged the whole thing, straight down. that way if i changed my mind i wouldn't have the time or ability to stop. i then gargled with listerene.

I wonder what the kids are gonna do to me if they ever find out about the hopper water...

Sorry, no stress camp update today. i've got that pesky sermon to write for this sunday. for having majored in this sorta thing, it's taking me freakin' forever!
for good times and great taste, try and figure out what galatians 2:11-16 is about. then feel free to let me know.

day 2- tuesday

As we had gone to sleep that night, i remember thinking "well, this rain isn't so bad". i was mistaken. at the time, the rain was waiting for the perfect opportunity to cause the most misery. what we had at the time was the reconnaissance sprinkles. due to my sleep deprivation, i was asleep about 3 minutes after i laid down-roots, rocks and all. i awoke at some point to the sound of rain and realized i was getting a little wet through my sleeping bag and fleece liner. i poked my disheveled head out of my bag at what i was later told was about 3am to the horrible realization that my bed had become a river. tyler and i had given the kids all the good spots, of course, so i was sleeping on the trail, which was on a slight decline. my ground sheet, a rhombular piece of plastic not quite big enough for me to sleep on, had, to my horror, become a river bed, funneling the stream off the trail and right through my bed! i adjusted the sheet so the river didn't run through my sleeping bag, but the damage was already done. i looked around, noticed that tyler was awake too, and we just looked at eachother and laughed. all the kids were up, and some of them were sleeping in rivers and puddles too. we were all slowly freezing, so me and tyler decided that it was time for a night hike!

We broke camp and were hiking by about 4am. the kids asked me what time i thought it was and i would say horrible things like "well, it's probably about...mmm..11 at night". the funny thing is, i would say stuff like this all the time about distance, time, food breaks, etc., but they would never stop asking and believing what i thought. i love 'em. we hiked in typhoon-force rain for about 4 hours and we came upon a temple up in the woods. not that uncommon in japan. there was a shack outside the temple, and i noticed there was a stress camp-issue rain fly hanging outside it. the kids didn't notice it, and i was hoping we would get through without stopping, but we woke the other team up, and then all the friends had to talk forever. turns out that team made it to the shelter in time to stay pretty much dry, and had used part of the shelter to get their fire going, which they used to make a huge supper and baked apples. not good for my teams' morale.

So, we got going as soon as we could, out into the rain. we finally made it down the mountain at about 9:30 and found a little hikers pit stop in a little village, complete with bathrooms. there was a fire pit, but it had been bricked over and we weren't allowed to use it. we took the time for quiet times and journaling there; my journal entry is hilarious! as the entry goes on, my handwriting gets worse and worse as i sat there longer and longer and started falling asleep while journaling. i had to focus so intensely to get to the bottom of the page, at which point my handwriting gets pretty much illegible, my thoughts scattered, and i fell asleep.

We ended up stopping there for about 3 hours, which is too long to stop anywhere you aren't going to build a fire and make food. we started without breakfast, and since we couldn't get a fire going, we handed out a cold snack, which nobody seemed to mind. mostly we all just sat around not liking the fact that our combined telekinetic powers were doing nothing to stop the rain, and, in fact, seemed to be making it worse, which we hadn't thought possible.

We finally left the shelter to head up to an area that was circled on the leaders map, which in our experience meant there was a shelter there. it looked a little close to make camp, but tyler and i decided that we could stop there and hopefully make some food. and thus began what was in my mind the lowest point of stress camp. we got lost in the town- there should have been a trailhead, but instead there was just a few tiny roads going up into the hills. we wandered back and forth on a one mile stretch of road for about 2 hours, looking for this stupid trail. there was what we called the buddhist theme park, which cost ¥500, about $4 to go up this road that looked like it went the direction we wanted, but there's no way that we were gonna pay! so, we eventually found a trail that started after we went through someone's backyard and garden, but looked like it hadn't been used in about 10 years. sure enough, it petered out after about 500 meters, and the kids turned around and came back. at this point, me and tyler decided that we needed to get going. we were still about 20 minutes walk from the little hut we sat in for 3 hours, only now it was 2 hours later. me and him didn't know what was at that little circle on our map, but we hoped it was something awesome, cuz we were gonna get there, one way or another.

Turns out if someone has a bad attitude, telling them we are going to bushwhack in the rain only makes it worse. these kids did NOT want to go up that hillside. Guy, from the last entry, pretty much just refused. he told me there were dangerous landslides. he pointed to the sign that said "wildlife protection area" and told me he was morally opposed to breaking the law. he said it was impossible. he stood there, his feet apart, arms crossed, and shaking his head, refusing. meanwhile, everyone, including 4 girls, were already halfway up this hill. i couldn't believe it! Guy and another guy pretty much sulked the whole time- staying in the back, making everyone wait for them at every turn, dragging their feet and muttering to eachother how retarded this was. Guy told me, before he started the bushwhack, in response to my comment about how this was going to be fun, that he didn't like me, didn't like stress camp, didn't think i had any natural abilities in leading or surviving outdoors, and my very presence was offensive to him. *chuckle* kids will try anything. 2 days later he apologized to me, which was cool. i knew he didn't really mean it, or at least didn't really mean to say it out loud, but i just told him that i really didn't care if he like me or not- he was going to do what i said, and when he got back he could tell everyone what a jerk i was.

We ended up in the buddhist theme park, which we did not pay for, but we did get to see all the "sights", including statues, temples, bell towers, and random other sculptures of things with buddha over them. we took a break when we got onto the road that goes by all these, but i was hoping to find something that could offer us a little shelter from the incessant rain, so i scouted out a bell tower nearby and found that the door, which was about 4 feet tall, was not locked, and the bell tower, which was small, but 2 stories, was warm and dry. so, all 10 of them crammed into it while i went off to check on what the circle on our map might mean.

That was one of the hardest hikes of the entire stress camp. the trail was washed out, it was really really steep and slippery, with tons of switchbacks. i had to take my glasses off cuz they were steaming up from my body heat, which was radiating off of me in spite of the rain. if we had taken the kids up there, they would have mutinied- there was nothing at the top. where the map had a shinto shrine marked, and some past leader had circled, there was only a foundation. i stared for a few minutes before i realized what had happened- it had burnt down. all the trees around the foundation were scorched and dead or dying, and there was a soggy pile of charred wood that had once been the temple. i stayed up there long enough to get my breath back, then went back down to tell tyler what i had found.

We looked at the maps, and realized that for us to make it back to the camp we were aiming for, we would have to travel about 3 times farther the next day than we did on that day- more than we had already hiked on both days combined! that stress us out. then we looked at the map and agreed that there was most likely not anywhere else we would find shelter, which we both wanted almost as bad as the kids wanted it. but also, we didn't want them to freeze. so, we decided to camp in the bell tower that night. here's a pic of the not-so-warm-but-dry bell tower:

We set up some fly sheets outside so we could make a fire, had the kids go collect wood, which they did grudgingly, and we ended up with our first hot meal-stew! well, more like hard vegetables in lukewarm water, but at least it was lukewarm. and there were so, SO many onions in it. i ended up with a cup of warm water and onions. no good. there were a few stressful moments in the tower, like when i was standing on top and a guy in a truck drives by and stares at me, and our eyes lock and i make eye contact with him. i was convinced, and tyler was too, that he was a caretaker and was coming back with police. but we told the kids that jail would be warm and dry and there would be food, so they didn't care. we stuck the guys upstairs and left the gals downstairs, which was warmer due to the lack of wind chill. as before, i was asleep almost instantly, praying the most sincere prayers of my life that God would take the rain away like the weatherman had promised.

STRESS CAMP!!!

As i explained in my last entry, the one no doubt everyone has read, stress camp is the time of year when the entire junior class of caj goes out backpacking for 4 days and 3 nights. there are frame packs and sleeping bags you can rent, and they make all your meals for you to carry and give you maps and a compass and (hopefully) two adult leaders who give the map and compass to the kids and don't tell them when they are getting lost. it's great. because i know that long entries get skimmed (insert shaking fist), i'm going to create four entries in four days, one for each day of stress camp. also, since this is going to be something of a journal, there will be very few or no hidden links. if you don't know what i'm talking about, good.

DAY 1-monday

Church work had been keeping me very busy, and i'd been getting about 4 hours of sleep for 3 nights straight. i got home from an exhausting day and had to pack my backpack (i own an internal frame pack), which i did a little too slowly. so, i start stress camp sleep deprived. a few days earlier i had bought scotch guard, which you spray on stuff to make it waterproof. the morning of stress camp i had to bike to school 15 minutes with my pack in the rain, and by the time i got to school my shoes were soaked. so much for that idea.

I had already gotten the list of the kids that were going to be in my group, which is a closely guarded secret, mostly cuz it changes without warning and we don't want the kids to be really disappointed. i was a little disappointed that i only knew one person in my group of 9, but i figured we would all know eachother well enough by the end. which was sort of true, but sort of not.

My group was the what i call the "consolation prize" group. not a single person in the group was athletic, almost all of them were shy-only a few of them would even talk to eachother, and they almost never talked to anyone other than the one or two people they were closest to. all this made for a very quiet stress camp, which is a bummer, since there are so many opportunities for bonding and inside jokes. i was the assistant leader, having last gone on stress camp back in good old 1996, but the actual leader had only gone once before too- last year he was the assistant leader to mr. eby, who has been leading stress camps since about '85, and had whole hundreds of square kilometers of trails memorized. so tyler collins, the leader, never even looked at a map last year. between the two of us it's a wonder we got back at all. which we did, eventually...

By the time we got off the train, at about 11:30, the rain had turned into a not-that-unpleasant drizzle. we picked our first 2 student leaders alphabetically, went over how to use a map and compass again, this time with the kids actually paying attention, filled up our water bottles, and set off. right away we ran into a problem. we needed to cross a little river to get into the woods where the trail started. the map only has one bridge marked, but there are actually two- the first one goes to some logging or construction thing, and is not the one we want. i didn't remember at first that us adult leaders had been warned about the bridge scenario, but once the team started fighting about it i did. of course, i said nothing to the kids. we had 4 days to go 2 days walking- getting lost is part of stress camp. the girl leader was pretty certain that this was the way we were supposed to go, but her co-leader wasn't so sure. in fact, all he ever said was no. when i gave him the map and asked him to lead us to where he thought we should go, he wanted to go back to the train station and back to school. and then there was another guy, whom i shall call Guy, who was not leading, but second-guessed all the decisions the girl leader made, even going so far as to snatch the map and compass from her hands. (sigh) they are so much younger than they realize. quote from this scenario: Guy-"we can't go that way, there's not a trail!" Ryan-"just because there's no trail doesn't mean we can't hike to one" Guy-"i'm not going"

We ended up going up about 30 minutes, spending another 30 minutes listening to the kids argue, and then we finally put it to a vote. the majority won- we were going back down. this was, of course, the right way, but it was really bad for team dynamics. it drove a wedge between certain members of the group.

We hiked through the drizzle to a temple that i've been to before with my family, and we stopped there for a snack and a quiet time break. only about half the kids actually brought their journal/bible, so they wouldn't shut up until tyler, being the great motivational speaker that he is, announced that the next person to talk would be carrying his pack. silence reigned for about 15 minutes.

In retrospect, we should have camped there and pushed hard the next day. me and tyler didn't know the mountains real well, and we had (and for the most part, have) no idea where shelters are up there. at that point we had gone about half the distance the other groups had gone, mostly due to the fact that Guy would second-guess the leaders at every single fork in the road, and we would stop for about 10 minutes while we tried to sort out exactly where we were. as it is, we pushed on through the temple and kept going. there was a clock there (the kids aren't allowed to know what time it is) but i don't remember what the time was. probably something like 3:30.

As we kept hiking, it was impossible for us to accurately guess the time, what with the overcast, and, more importantly, gauge how much sun we had left to hopefully find shelter from the rain and make camp. we finally found a spot that was passable well after dark, and had to show the kids how to set up their rain fly and ground sheets by the light of our flashlights. we got some kids to start collecting wood, and some others to get to work shaving off the outer layers that were wet. we never actually got a self-sustaining fire going, but we did use about 200 matches. after i worked on the fire for about an hour, we decided that instead of having supper, which required a fire, we were going to have tuesdays lunch, which was one slice of bread, cherry jam, and three mini cans of fruit, which we had to split 11 ways. we all got like 3 tiny bits of pineapple. but, we were all more cold than hungry, so i don't think anyone minded not eating much, we were all just happy to get warm in our sleeping bags. we gave the kids all the good spots, of course, so i ended up on the trail and tyler ended up in a spot that have two huge roots so close together that he couldn't move at all during the night. not that we ended up being there very long in the end anyways...


And thus the sun set on the first day of camp. i was feeling pretty good, but trying to remember if i was ever so immature. whether i was or not, i realized that stress camp is a huge event in the lives of these kids- anyone who has ever gone on one tells stories about it for the rest of their life. i was pretty happy to be able to be a part of that.

Seems there was a huge typhoon over here and people died. that sort of thing makes me think i should at least get japanese antenna based peasant-vision, as i didn't even know about it till a friend from americatown emailed me about it. how did he find out? all i knew of this typhoon is that in the 3 minutes it took me to bike to the grocery store i got soaked to the skin- through a jacket, t-shirt,thermal and my jeans/pj pants. i'm still suffering the consequences, though. the my bike seat has a tear in it, and i'm pretty sure it absorbed all 18 gallons of water that fell on it. the rain stopped 2 days ago, and still when i ride my bicycle i end up with a wet spot on my butt.

But enough about my butt, lets talk about the rest of me. last thursday (the 23rd one, not the 30th one) i was suffering the consequences of a poorly run leaders meeting. we shall call such meetings "incandescence", for lack of a current, cooler name, actually spellable by the general public. so, on that thursday, i came home late, slept in late, and generally felt depressed and discouraged and whatnot. this thursday i had more stuff planned, and ran a slighly tighter ship, but i felt the same way at the end of it, only this time i recognized it as a recurring theme from thursday nights, so i didn't take it too seriously. so, i realized, something must change about thursday nights. we have fun hanging out and chatting and stuff, but i had/have expectations about how the time will be used which, i realized on my way home last night, i've never shared with them. and they leave me feeling depressed and unaccomplished because we spend two hours talking about life, school, and friends, and only the last 20 minutes talking from the Bible, but they don't know that i expect that hour one should be social, hour two planning, and hour three spiritual. so of course i'm gonna feel like i've failed if they don't meet my unspoken expectations! cuz they don't know what they are, until they become my spoken expectations. then my wrath and judgement will fall on them from on high if they are distracting.

This sunday marks the fourth JAM since i started here. it feels like i've been doing this forever, or at least more than a month. well, JAM anyways. as you can tell from my last paragraph, there are still some things to be ironed out in other places. the first and second JAMs just exhausted me. that's what happens to me after i'm stressed for a long time. and by a long time i mean 5 minutes. after those first 2 JAMs, i came home at like 8:30pm and crashed on the couch. i was seriously useless for the rest of the night. now that we're figuring out a little about how it works and what not to do and stuff, it's a lot less stressfull. that and i have everyone come a full hour early to help set up, just in case we have any panic! moments, like the overhead is gone, or it's raining so we can't play our outside game. now i just need to get the HS youth group off the ground.

Haha, not soon, though. one of the pastors is in americaville right now getting medical checkups for 2 weeks, so i'm leading worship in church for the next 2 sundays, as well as doing everything else he does, like get there at 7 (shudder). the other 2 pastors are leaving the week before he gets back, so after i lead worship for 2 weeks i'm preaching the sermon. i think the funniest part is that for about 3 days, i will be all the pastor that my church has. if i wanted to call an emergency counsel meeing, i could do that. or if i wanted to cancel church, i could do that. or if i wanted to announce a tent revival meeting for next sunday, i could do that. or if i wanted to ask the congregation to show their church spirit by celebrating "crazy sock-puppet sunday", i could do that. how funny is it that i graduated from college like 5 months ago, not really having any idea what i wanted to do with my life, not knowing what i wanted to do when i grow up, and now i'm in charge of leading worship, preaching, middle and high school sunday schools, middle and high school youth groups, and for all of three days, i will be the most senior member of the pastoral staff around to run church.

Actually, when i put it that way, i don't think i want most of those things. all i really want is time with the kids. which all these extra responsibilities is taking me away from. hmmm...

I'll be on "stress camp" from monday to thursday of this next week, which i think will make up for time i've lost with the kids. every junior class of CAJ spends 4 days hiking around in the wild outback of japan in groups of about 6 or 7. i'm an assistant leader! we pack everything we'll need for all four days in our packs. it's a great time for experientially learning lots of crappy things about yourself, as well as crappy things about other people. but, somehow, in the end, it's one of the most bonding experiences. i'm looking forward to the chance to get to know the kids in my group better. when i went on stress camp my junior year, i was much more excited than i should have been. it started raining the second morning, and didn't stop for like 2 weeks. the leaders in my group were great people, but neither of them had led the thing before. so, instead of walking on trails, getting eachother lost when we took our turns running the map and compass, we walked on roads the whole time with our adult leaders in front, fearlessly leading the way, and shamelessly stealing a potentially amazing learning experience. IT SHALL NOT BE SO AGAIN!! i just found out that i'm going with someone named....tyler collins. i have no idea who he is, or what his theories on stress camp are, but i hope he knows what he's doing.

You who check up on this blog faithfully are invited to pray for me and the other leader and the group of kids that we'll be with. this is a very intense time for some of them, and therefore a time when they will have great potential to grow and mature. so, you can pray for them, and also for me, that i would know what and how to say what they need to hear to push and challenge them mentally, and physically too. and for meaningful relationships to be formed between the kids as well as with me. give me about a week and i'll let you all know how it went!

Ways that ryan is screwed up #139b:

For the next week, i'm looking after hana, the family dog and arguably more spoiled than the other 5 of my mothers actual children. for most of today i was out doing, you know, youth pastory things (like drinking way too much coffee at Misudo), and from time to time i would think of poor hana, locked up in my house just sitting around waiting for me to come home and pay attention to her. and when i came home, she was all happy to see me, and i played with her for about 10 minutes, then i was done playing, and went about my usual routine of checking email and making food and watching stuff, but not without a very teeny nagging sense of guilt for not paying more attention to hana. and i thought to myself "that's why i like cats better; they don't need you"

It's not screwed up to like cats better. that part's normal.

The screwed up part comes now: i realized that i feel the same way about hana needing me as i do about girls needing me (if anyone ever figures out how my brain works please tell me). cats don't need you, at least they would never tell you that they needed you. and when you get a cat to like you and jump up on your lap, you've accomplished something in a weird sort of way. whereas when hana jumps up on the couch next to me while i'm watching stargate, i know that it's because she's a very social animal and needs attention, which i give to her on the assumption that she will go away and let me watch my mostly-good tv show.

I think it all comes down to me being very, very selfish. i want to do with my time what i will, and not have it held captive by some obligation. because i enjoy hanging out with kids, doing "work" is mostly just fun. but i wonder if the fun-ness is directly linked to the new-ness, or the do-it-better-than-the-last-guy-ness. and when it gets same old, same old, and it's generally agreed that i am doing a good job, and i hate the kids for being stupid, and if i do my thing then from obligation, will i hate it? when the kids need me and i no longer need them, what will i do?

break up with them?

if i were content, i would go here. and i would be funny and full of interesting, meaningful information about ryan potter, transient youth pastor, keeper of kidneys, feng shui master extrordinare.

It's now official: i am a youth pastor. the bulletin in church on sunday even had my name on the front with all the other "actual" pastors. what's up with that? i keep wondering if the church knows what they are doing, if they somehow have this idealized picture of me. the truth is, i have intentionally been myself, perhaps even more myself than usual, so they won't think i'm someone i'm not. it's just crazy to me that they would let me be IN CHARGE of anything. i know that i really care about the kids, and i really want them to be awesome, and i think i can help, but to be IN CHARGE?? well , i guess even i had to pretend to grow up sometime. it's funny for me to try and think of a highlight from last week- any time i hung out with kids pretty much was a highlight. like JAM last sunday.

What better way to start off a youth ministry than with a waterfight? kicking off any ministry with a waterfight seems like a good idea to me. i would have come to anything in college if it started with a water fight. maybe a "mom's in ministry" meeting wouldn't appreciate a waterfight, but i feel pretty strongly that they should. strange things, water balloons. 2 guys can work hard for 30 minutes to fill as many water balloons as they possibly can, and 30 middle schoolers can use them all in 2 minutes. seems there's a direct relationship between waterballoons and kids having this insatiable urge to nail eachother with them. who knew?

And on thursday i had the first real "incandescence" meeting. "incandescence" is the high school team that, with my supervision, basically runs the middle school group. they are "incandescence" with the quote marks because at this point we needed to call it something, so i stuck with what cami named it 2 years ago. but it's gonna get renamed soon. hopefully to something easier to spell. we had supper together, and then i handed out some stuff that i thought they should know, and we talked about it for a while. and it was so much fun to watch them have fun and want to learn and do well, and have it be because of a meeting that i initiated and organized and arranged.

And as i write this i am sitting at my computer set up in my own house. well, technically, it belongs to the people who will be back in june, but till then, it's mine. i asked the lady if it was ok to move the furniture, and she said "yeah, move some stuff just so you feel at home". there's now not a single piece of furniture in it's original location. but i do feel more at home. i had to take a bunch of pictures of how everything was so i can move it back. for them in june. but i really think my way's better.

So, not only am i living in my own house, but i am now an official youth pastor of Kurume Bible Church, which is much harder to say than KBF. my first official act as the officially hired professional youth pastor was to go to a church council retreat, which has in fact very little to do with youth ministry. but i got to sit around and listen to all these people that i used to be afraid of tell stories about themselves and their children. i even got up the gumption to tell one of my own:

The players: 15 year old ryan, 98 year old security guard, crew of japanese police
The setting: tokorozawa station (the potter kids used this everyday to get to school)
The time: 4:00pm

The fall day was ending crisply, and unsuspectingly our hero made his way to where he had parked his bike that morning on the way to school. As he scanned the rows of bikes, a semi-familiar feeling of annoyance began rising through him, until, when he could bare it no more, he fell to his knees amongst the crowds of people surging around him, raised his head and fists heavenward, and cried in a loud voice, "Why me, God??". For lo, his bike had been stolen. He was left with only 2 clear options: 1. spend the better part of an hour walking home, or 2. return the favor, and steal someone elses bike and use it to ride home. For reasons that will forever remain a mystery, our hero chose the second option, and began to walk around in a clearly nonchalant fashion, one which in no way could have betrayed his true motive, which was, in fact, to check out bikes from the corner of his eye to discern their status: locked? poorly locked? unlocked?

At long last, he found one that would suit his needs. An off road bike, which was about as needed in Japan as a hair dryer in the Savanna, had been locked with a combination lock, and had been, as the ivy that had grown up through the spokes attested, for all intents and purposes, abandoned. Through previous experiences that I'm sure were altruistic in nature, our hero had the skill needed to defeat the simple combination lock, and, knowing that he who hesitates is lost, immediately got down to his unfortunate but necessary business.

No sooner had ten minutes gone by that our hero suddenly felt himself being roughly wrenched to his feet by the collar of his shirt, courtesy of the nearby parking lot security guard, a man who looked about the age my Grampa's Grampa would look. A good, strong 12 inches shorter than the American, he had, it seems, been watching the whole scene unfold, and, far from being sympathetic to the situation that had been forced on the hero of our little story, it seemed that he had it in his head to give this little punk of a kid a few pieces of his mind. The skill in Japanese needed to understand the subject matter of the geriatric, but clearly irate, security guard, was, unfortunately, far above the actual skill level of Ryan, but there was little doubt that, in his day, the security guard had been forced to build a bicycle from a pile of iron ore if he was stranded.

Through this whole experience our hero kept his cool, knowing from experience that these things usually just blow over, and the worst that would happen is he would be going home using his feet instead of using wheels. The panic level of our champion skyrocketed, however, when he realized the security guard was using his radio to call the small police station nearby. Why he chose to stay instead of running will only ever be known to him, and perhaps some choice confidants, but popular opinion is that there was a reason, and it was a good one. The police were on the scene no less than 2 minutes later to relieve the aged guard of his prize. In fact, once they were in sight of the so-called "perpetrator", the 3 police officers that were dispatched broke, unnecessarily, into a full sprint in the middle of a crowded shopping area, causing something of a scene themselves. Now in the hands of the "law", our lead character found himself treated very roughly, complete with arm-behind-the-back submission hold all the way to the police station.

Making the most of the few minutes before the impending interrogation and torture, the champion came up with a plan that had served him well in the past, and would serve him well in the years to come: feign ignorance. The ever-intimidating police would ask a question in Japanese, and would be answered in suspiciously simple Japanese that was so horrible it almost seemed that it might have been intentionally manufactured to sound so. Might. When asked for his phone number, parents name, and school name, this tactic was utilized with astounding success. The only moment of concern came when the fuzz illegally went through his backpack looking for identification or school ID cards, but they were cleverly concealed in the front pocket of the bag, which was so unlikely a place to keep such things that it was not searched.

The police were at a loss as to what to do with this unidentified alien. He had been caught red-handed, so, it was generally agreed that something must be done. Among the few contents of the backpack was a folder of piano music (to add insult to injury our martyr had been subject to a piano lesson that same day). After some discussion, the book of piano music was handed to him, open, along with a simple, one word, unmistakably English command: "SING". In the moment of silent shock that the unfortunate soon-to-be celebrity wondered if there were sufficient cracks in the floor to melt through, a police officer went into the hall of the mini police station and issued a general invitation to the concert of humiliation. The turnout was immediate and overwhelming. Suddenly faced with what certainly felt to be the entire staff of the Japanese self-defense force expecting a vocal concert from a book of piano music, our quick-thinking champion made the executive decision to not sing the "Tarantella", which of course has no words, and is meant for an instrument that is capable of producing multiple tones simultaniously, but rather to sing a contemporary Christian worship song while looking at the book of music. This he did, and performed the critically acclaimed "As The Deer" near flawlessly. This humiliation was seen as sufficient recompense for attempted bike theivery, and he was forcibly and gracelessly expelled from the police station. To walk home.

Nothing makes me feel better than to trick people into reading this far more frequently than i update on the goings on of my life. just kidding. i know from experience with tre's blog and ro's blog that people who don't update their blogs are hated. so, i guess i appreciate you all not overtly hating me. must disguise the hate.
But seriously, where to start. part of the reason for the delay in blogging is due to the fact that i am an ass, and i fear i must include some proof of that in today's blog. so, without further ado....

Some of you may remember that yvette girl who i took to japan with me. we nicknamed her "Yeti", (and by we i mean cami.) well, i'll skip to the end of the story right away: i broke up with her. we started dating on the 23rd or 24th of july, and i broke up with her on the 25th of august. over the phone. i deserve multiple punches for that, i know. my reasons for breaking up with her are, i think, good enough, but that doesn't change the fact that i feel like a huge oaf who was given something delicate and breakable, and, despite my best intentions, i broke it anyways. yvette really liked me. and i really wish that i had waited until near the end of our time together to talk to her about dating, instead of starting on the way over. in the plane i figured we were gonna end up dating anyways, so might as well hang out in japan with my girlfriend, instead of with someone who i have an ambiguous, almost-dating relationship with. but, in my selfishness, we started dating before we should have, and i was remaining aloof and unattached while as a result of my actions yvette was getting more and more attached. in the end, though, i realized that she was infinitely more committed to me than i was to her, and i realized that continuing the relationship would be really bad for both of us- for her because she deserves someone who is as crazy about her as she is about them, and for me because i would continue to have a love life that came to me, one which i would have to put very little effort into. at first, anyways. i have to give yvette credit- i don't think she would have put up with my apathetic affections for much longer. you go girl.

Well, that's said and done. it's kinda a sore subject, mostly because yvette is so wonderful i wonder if i've done the right thing. and i know i've been an ass either way, which doesn't help. but let's see what news isn't sad, depressing, or serious:
Me and brents, the 19 year old brother, watched some fireworks on sunday. turns out they shoot them off from a golf course that isn't too well secured, if you know what i mean. so we sat in the middle of the green on a golf course we broke into watching them shoot fireworks off like 200 yards away. they have these gargantuan ones that shake the earth and sky, and the burning embers were falling around us. serisouly, any closer and we would have needed earplugs. it's going to be tough being a youth pastor, i think. me and brents can get away with doing stuff like that, but the kids are gonna want to do stuff like that and i'll have to say "guys, now let's be mature and responsible. what do you think your parents would say if they found out we broke into a golf course and had an awesome time watching the fireworks of the apocalypse?" when, really, deep down inside, i will want more than anything to do it with them. like spitting fireballs: it's fun for me to do, but i have to pretend that i think it's a horrible idea so the kids won't do it. at least, not while i'm watching or in charge.

Speaking of the kids, my youth first youth group is this sunday!! it's the middle school group, which has been called JAM (Jesus And Me) for years. i want to change it, but i'm coming up against some pretty stiff opposition. yesterday i went to CAJ (Christian Academy in Japan) to hang out with whoever i ran into. it's really scary for me, which is why i called someone to hang out with. for those of you who never stopped to examine my social style (shame on you)i do much better with situations where people come to me and be my friend. my introverted shyness really comes out when i'm in situations where i don't know very many people. it's actually really scary. good thing i'm a good faker. i hide my 50lb. shyness behind an outgoing, brash stick man. and if you can't fathom that metaphor, it's not my fault. the emperor clearly must have the greatest skills in english to create a metaphor like that.



an addendum:
while travelling the narrow passageways of shibuya station i found what can only be described as a photo journal of my love life about a year ago. the only reason it's worth talking about is that the girl i was interested in at that point ended up dating cami, who is not only not me, but is my younger brother. so, here's the first picture:

notice the horns? that's deidre for you. then, much to my obvious dismay, we have the second picture

no caption needed; the pictures say it all.

ah, hair care products. i will cry when the day comes that you are not a beacon of light in this dreary land, shining your truth about love from posters in busy train stations.

Woohoo! we loves them earthquakes!

BLAM! i'm a blog!!

well, well, well. what have we here.

Few things in life are better than takayama. that old beach cabin is where i want to be buried. that, or shot off into space on a shuttle driven by space monkeys. takayama, or tak (pronunciation: tAHk)is one of those places you almost expect to get over as time goes on, but instead you find new things to do, or old things that are still fun. there's this atmosphere about the place. not like "78% nitrogen, 20% oxygen, .93% argon, i'm a huge science nerd" type of atmosphere, but the "i'm gonna sit here in a wet swimsuit reading calvin and hobbes and listening to jack johnson" kinda atmosphere. not really as vital to life as the other one, but it sorta is at the same time. it's very "chill", as all the cool kids on glisan st. would say.

The weather at said beach cabin was perfect. we left just in time to avoid all them pesky typhoons that are coming through this time of year, although they do make for some pretty killer waves. nights were filled with various forms of debauchery, fire jumping, sword-fighting, and the like. one highlight was driving cami around on the back of a jetski. due to his deathgrip on my waist, he succeeded in pulling me off a total of 3 times. we topped 80kmh (49.711999999999996 mph for all you stinking americans out there). the thing was amazing. it's like driving a motorcycle, only there's none of them silly roads. or helmets, for that matter. the third time we fell off, we both actually skipped on the water. but, no blood, no foul.

Now that i'm back from tak, however, i am reminded that life must go on. my life, specifically. i never really realized just how impossibly difficult it is to get all the papers one needs to be a normal, contributing member of society. nothing can happen until i get my religious visa, which i can't get until the missions organization (OMF Int'l) officially approves of every single aspect of my person and sends some other office of OMF an officially written and signed letter on official registered paper which they can then give to some all-knowing, all-powerful japanese potentate, who holds in his (or her) hand the ability to single-handedly approve or deny my pathetic attempts to obtain a religious visa in spite of the horrible oppressive regulations. that done, i can get the paperwork that will allow me to do the other paperwork, that will allow me to get the stamp of my name registered, which i can then use to rent a house, the proof of which is necessary for me to get insured, after which, i may be allowed to walk around on the streets in broad daylight, without people stopping to openly gawk at my obvious lack of the right to filthy their native soil with my very presence.

i may have exaggerated one fact in that last paragraph.

The youth ministry is not going well. in fact, i have not yet intentionally "ministered" to a single youth. which would be bad, if i had started a youth group yet. i'm having my first meeting with some kids tomorrow at a little restaurant named "BLDY'S", which the little american circle of people i hang out with call "Bloodies". really piques your appetite, doesn't it? the 3 kids and i (one of which happens to be my brother brent) will be talking about what the youth groups should do, and when they should do it, and what we would like to see happen at them and through them, and whether or not we should start a high school group right away or not, what color the effigy of cami in the church atrium should be...just to name a few. then on sunday there will be an announcement in the brand-new, redesigned bulletin (the one that includes my name on the front after the colon that follows the words "youth pastor")about a parents meeting, then on the 12th of september, a day that will live on in entropy, i will be leading my very first youth group of my thus-far short lived career. hopefully it will go well.

AND NOW
for the much awaited update!!

first, an apology to all you avid reader out there for being as bad at updating as my sister (HA! zing! take that ro!!) speaking of dating, me and yvette are now official, which i'm sure is a real big surprise to anyone who heard i was around, but was unable to locate me due to our frequent private getaways. i submit that you are all just jealous. actually, we've been dating for exactly one week as of today. we were flying over (more on that later) and we crossed the international date line, which gave me this great idea: "how about me and yvette start dating??" so, approaching her, we struck up a casual conversation about the date line, and dating in general, then dating in specifics. when all was said and done, the official begin of our official relationship was behind us, and we traded high-fives in the midst of all them rich business-class passengers.

whenever i fly, something always has to go wrong. it's a rule, and a warning for all of you whose dream it is to travel with me. this time was no exception. flying standby, we were printed fake boarding passes to get us through security and to our gate, where they would ultimately print us real ones. however, since standby travelers are clearly of only the most dangerous ilk, we are herded through to the EXTREME!! Security check. Having narrowly escaped with my life from the EXTREME!! Check i received, i was more than happy to take my ticket when offered to me and proceed post-haste to SeaTac's beloved if not completely outdated subway train, never realizing the stamp on my colleagues tickets was missing on my own. Fortunately for me, the gate agent at the airport did notice this, and refused to allow me to make my presence known on my beloved Boeing Overwater 777 until security had sent an emissary to beg forgiveness, offer a feast in supplication, shine the shoes of everyone on the room, and provide my ticket with the stamp that would allow me passage on the jetway to me awaiting seat. Needless to say, it took a while. in fact, i was held in the terminal until the exact moment of 12:43, a mere 2 minutes before my plane was supposed to be pushing back from the terminal and begin it's taxi to the runway. my relief was completed by falling asleep while waiting for takeoff and waking up when the help had begun to serve the first meal. all this goes to show, you can make me wait to get on the plane, but you can't make me wait to sleep. Stick it to the man!!

well, i'm on my way to the doctor to get some forms that allow me to do some other forms that may or may not prevent my imminent deportation. then i'm off to the non-internet-wired beach cabin until the 14th of august, until which time i will be unable, and also perhaps unwilling, to update this little fact sheet here. i will try to have a good time.